Day 0 - Dance

Tonight I volunteered for Company C Ballet. I think there are few things that make me feel as alive as a "spectator" as dance. I feel the range of emotions....deep passionate love, leaping out of your skin joy, a sadness that the body expresses that extends far beyond words could EVER begin to evoke, just to name a few. There is something that is magical and captivating about this particular company. They are fresh, different, new, dance fusion of ballet, contemporary, modern and jazz. Their choreographer is brilliant and he demands a tremendous amount of physical endurance as well as artistry from his dancers.

My favorite work of the night was "Akimbo," which is an adjective meaning with hand on hip and elbow bent outward: to stand with arms akimbo.They did that, but oh so much more. The piece was lyrical and rhythmic, all at the same time. One of the other things that struck me was that this program had more duets and solos. I think dance solos are difficult, but the solos this night were magnificent.

I am always trying to come up with more and new ways to describe this company: raw, fesh, exciting, youthful, mesmerizing, real. When I say real, I mean that while they are superb dancers, they aren't "perfect" in that stiff, artificial, "hold your breath because if someone makes a misstep it's going to be disastrous" sort of way. With all the distress in the economy, the disasters and wars and famine throughout the world, and a general decline in appreciation for the arts, I fear that someday we will lose the ballet. But with all that is turned upside down in our world, isn't that even more reason we need to keep it?

Angel Cards - Day 13 Education

I always need excuses for why it has been too long since I've done a blog entry. Hmmmm, I think this time it's my anger, frustration, sadness, grief, and resistance. Just to name a few! Let me share a bit of my life:
1. Last weekend we saw Daughter #1 and dear friends for life. Lovely.
2. Watched, read and pondered the devastation, death, and destruction in Haiti. Heart wrenching.
3. Led a memorial service for a man who died too soon. Sadness
4. Listened as courts evaluate human rights, Supreme Court gives corporations human rights and health care reform keeps slipping further and further away. Shocking
5. and my word has been Education....are you kidding me!? I live in the state of California, schools in my area are facing multi-million dollar cuts. When I go to my relatively "wealthy" public school to register my daughter, I write a check for $2000 or 3000. There seems to be no commitment to education in this state, perhaps not even in the Country. State colleges continue to raise tuition while Administrators receive big raises and bonuses. Frustrating.
Grrrr. I'm having a difficult time holding onto the lovely when I have a broken heart, empathic sadness, shock, and frustration. I suppose I have something to LEARN from all of this.

Regarding number 5, I feel strongly that our more affluent schools should be sharing with school districts who are struggling. In my community, the arts and sciences foundation, which is only for supplemental band, choir, art and science programs, has an annual budget of over $1 million dollars. I am guessing, that our 3 area foundations net over $3 million a year. What if we were to share some of that with Richmond or Mt. Diablo? Perhaps it is crazy, but why not? And what if our churches were helping more? I know of one church in Berkeley that provides weekly tutoring for a low-income middle school in the area. Come on people. We have a responsibility to our children. Perhaps we all need to become a bit more educated!

Angel Cards - Day 12 Release

A lesson we need to learn each day is the ability to release. We let go of our foolish desires and our needless wants. We watch our children grow and at stages along the way, we must release them. We catch and release the job we thought we really wanted, only to find out it was not the job to which we were called. We come to those difficult times in our lives when someone we love dearly dies, and we have to release our hold, our grip, our certainty that they would outlive us or that nothing bad would ever happen. That is the kind of release that makes us fearful of holding anyone or anything ever again. It's like our hearts are toddlers who get to close to the fire and burn a finger on a hot pan. The child never grabs that pan again. We must release our demands on the world to meet our expectations. We cannot assume that everything and everyone exists for our pleasure, convenience or happiness. Release. Sometimes we have to release ourselves from fear. Stand at the precipice of risk, danger and sheer terror, and jump!
See what happens when we release ourselves and others into the atmospheric weightlessness that is God.

Angel Cards - Day 11 Simplicity

Simplicity in a Tree

Angel Cards - Day 10 Honesty

Honesty
Truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
So help me God

Honesty
Rare, few can handle it
You can't HANDLE the truth

Honesty
Elusive, hard to find
And so much harder to tell

Honesty
Self-awareness, who am I really?
Let me see myself

Honesty
Child-like, learned so young
Easily forgotten as an adult

Honesty

Angel Cards- Day 9 Gratitude

Now here is a word I can deal with. In all things, give thanks. Give thanks with a grateful heart. Count your blessings one by one. Henry Ward Beecher said, "Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul." Those words nearly break my heart for all the times I have not received in gratitude. For the times when I have groused, complained, wished for more, been less than happy with what is. I regret the times I have not said thank you to those who have given to me....as a pastor, I can never say thank you enough. As a human, I need to be grateful for my life so that my soul springs forth into a blossoming garden.

Give thanks!

a random sharing

In November, I went to a conference that featured David Whyte, the poet, and he talked about crucial conversations. We were sent away to walk, be in silence, be alone, write, do whatever we wanted. This is what I did:

I walked the labyrinth today
In an awkward, stilted gait
I'm always fearful of getting it wrong
Even though there's only one way in and one way out

I stumble on the rocks at every turn
It's like there is an extra stone at each turn
And the walk seems so long.
A journey to nowhere, no way, no one

AS I enter the center I feel so far from it
The question has been lost
I am walking without aim or purpose
How can it be that when we believe we are so close
to the end we are actually near the beginning?
And when we think we are only at the start,
the end is very near?

I keep staring at my feet
as if
they will carry me somewhere that I am not
rather than let them hold me grounded and firm
exactly where I am.

I walked the labyrinth today
In a confident, stable air
the path will take me
wherever I am intended to go,
if only,
I let it take me
take me away
Take me to now
Take me to myself
I am walking without

Angel Cards - Day 9 Harmony

The most harmonious sound is silence - GCD