Hound of Heaven

Sometimes I am simply haunted by images, people or events in my life. Yesterday I had one of those moments. I was walking with a church member down a busy street in Clayton (okay, I know, some of you think that Clayton is not all that busy) but anyway, it was about 7:15 am and we rounded a curve and saw a young boy walking in the middle of the street next to the median strip. We were concerned for his safety and asked him to come over to the sidewalk. He did and kept walking away from us in the opposite direction. About 5 minutes later the boy returned, running up behind us and asked us what time it was. By now it was 7:20, and then he asked us "Do you know where Diablo View school is?" Now Diablo is the middle school in town and by the young boy's size, I'm guessing it was his first day in this school. He's walking, a long way from the school, doesn't know where it is, exactly and we tried our best to direct him and hoped and prayed for the rest of our walk that he made it and he made it on time. Wow! What do I do with that? What should the church be doing about that? If anyone reads this and has some suggestions, please let me know!

peace

I took this photo of a photo today. The original is by a photographer named Duke Caldwell. Wonder what the padre is thinking? Is he waiting for something? Praying? Just bored? Or is he in trouble with the Abbott? I wonder.....

Knitting

I'm not sure if blogging is making me notice more things, or if I'm noticing more things because I'm blogging. I was sitting and knitting in Starbucks today waiting for my younger. There were two rather precocious young girls there with their moms. They were clearly impatient and not enjoying the conversation or the slow pace of drinking coffee. So, one of the moms suggests that they watch me knit. A bit uncomfortable was I, at first. Then, the girls started to ask me questions about the yarn, how long it takes to knit a scarf, who was it for, etc etc. I just was amazed at how eager and inquisitive they were. Also, they talked to me as if I had known them a long time. They talked about going to preschool and kindergarten, about how their little brothers were cranky, and lots of other little life details. It just occurred to me that this conversation probably would never have happened if I did not have my knitting.

So, I just find myself musing over the slower crafts of life - knitting, cooking, gardening, painting, quilting, etc. - seems to me they're about a lot more than the craft, the trade or the products that result. These lost arts are pathways to conversation, journeys to a calmer center (almost zen-like), and ways to re-claim the creator in all of us.

Ahhhhhhhhh it was great to be back

Ever have one of those days where you just are feeling sorry for yourself? It was one of those days for me. As I was driving home from church, it was exacerbated by seeing all these families out on the school field by our house. Dozens of them! They'd been there all day. The first pathetic thought that came to mind is, "Oh woe is me. Why are all these people out here instead of at church, where they belong!?" I started down that slippery slope of wondering what difference anything I do makes, does the ministry really help anyone, is it all just self-serving and impossible, irrelevant and without a future? The spiral down continues as I then start to doubt whether I can do this and personalize the lack of young people in church to my own failings. Wow! Talk about functional atheism.

Anyway, I arrived home and vowed to continue to work here as it's cooler in my house than in the office. I opened my email and found a note from a church member. The trite saying, "God works in mysterious ways" comes to mind. I'm editing what she said, but this is the essence of it:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh It was great to be back. I have missed you, and the church and everyone at CVPC. Your sermon today, once again, hit the mark for me! Thank you!!! (some personal stuff I've deleted including ways she has been questioning and some gatherings and comments that have really caused her to question, as well as her personal doubts re: lack of knowledge of scripture) So I have been spending my Sundays in quiet reflection, not learning, not questioning, but soaking in all of the gifts we have here before us. I am still just as confused, but I am happier about it now. So that is why I have been "absent" from services this summer. (some more personal reasons for being away) Funny how things work themselves out, hhhmmmmmm. ( And yes I did thank God for the gift of a good friend)....Thank you again for your words today, they made a difference in my life.

The Tyranny of the Sermon

Late nighter
Sermon writer
Open eyed
Heart wide
Deep thought
Now what?
Soon comes Sunday
Gotta pray

my friend, Sadie

I have a friend named Sadie. She is one of my youngest friends. In a week, she'll be two years old. It's funny how much she teaches me. Being around one so young without requirement says to me that it's really good to have a friend who doesn't "need" you to be her friend. Her parents take care of her in so many ways, but they also leave her be and let her be friends with lots of other folks.

I love the way she looks at life. Her questions are so wise. "What's momma doing?" "What's that?" and her statements too, like "Up, please." "I don't know!!!" "uh-oh" and "bump bump"(which means put it back where it was) All of these are such simple phrases and such transparent ways of looking at her world.

We adults become so complicated and so convinced that we already know the answers, so we don't have to ask the questions. We assume we already know what "momma" is doing. We've decided for ourselves what things are. As for the requests and statements, we are seldom vulnerable or interdependent enough to ask another for a lift up and we never, ever, ever want to admit that we don't know something. It is nearly impossible for us to admit that we've done something wrong that would require an"uh-oh" to be uttered from our mouths.

My friends, do remember, "a little child shall lead them."
Peace and grace,
Gail

And another thing....

Today I am feeling very philosophical and nostalgic. In just one week, my two daughters will be entering their 10th and 12th grades of high school. I have lots of friends who have babies, toddlers, elementary school kids and friends who have college students, single adults and children with children of their own (in other words, grandchildren!) I have loved every age and stage of my girls' growth, progressively more than the one before it. I'm not one who really likes things to stay the same. My sameness is really about things always changing. However, it is amazing to me that the one in this picture was wearing a plaid skirt, cotton blouse, holding a lunch pail and a backpack for her first day of kindergarten 10 years ago. Where did the time go? I am fairly certain that those of us who have or have had children will never quite get over marking the beginning of a year in late August or early September. It is my prayer that this year more children will have homes, more children will have adequate nourishment, more children will go to bed with assurance that they will sleep peacefully through the night, more children will know love and support, and more children will be whole people. Otherwise, it is hard for me to understand why God has blessed me with so many opportunities and these assurances for my own children. I hope we'll all be encouraged to share these blessings with others. A wise friend of my mom's used to say that our children do not belong to us, but God has simply loaned them to us for a little while. I'm enjoying my little while! Thanks God and thank you Allison and Shannon. Amen.

The end or the beginning

I've spent the last ten days at home, mostly, studying, writing, reflecting, working on such things as worship schedules, confirmation classes, talks for a women's retreat in the fall, and in between, doing really ordinary things like auto maintenance, grocery shopping, and doctor appointments. Well, let's be totally honest I also have logged a fair amount of hours watching the Olympics and the finale of So You Think You Can Dance (yea, Joshua!)

Anyway, there is something oddly calming and right about this rhythm. The sacred and the profane. The ordinary and the extraordinary. The miraculous and the explainable. However, sometimes I can't tell which is which.