Ugh, I have been so irresponsible about writing the silly blog. This, of course, is why the irony of the angel card on my desk is so darned ironic. Responsibility. Ha! I laugh in the face of responsibility! I don't like to admit that a 50 year old woman, pastor, mom, wife, daughter, friend, should be more responsible than I am. Grown up, even. Seriously, what is this aging stuff all about, anyway? I am certain this is all complicated by the fact that I see so much of what is ahead of me. Hospitals, nursing homes, deaths, memorials.....it can begin to make a person a bit on the depressed side.
Responsible for what? for whom? when? Do I always have to be responsible? Wiktionary says responsibility is, "Answerable for an act performed or for its consequences; accountable; amenable, especially legally or politically; Capable of responding to any reasonable claim; able to answer reasonably for one's conduct and obligations; capable of rational conduct;" Oh, come on, seriously, is this really what it means to be responsible? I've failed, I feel anything but responsible. I want to be a child. To play. To run and not be caught. I want to play the prodigal for as long as I can.
This is probably irresponsible writing....who knows who is reading this?! Oh, well, it's my stream of consciousness speaking - I'm not responsible!
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